Are you letting God love you?
This is the question that has captured my heart for the past couple of days. Really it's taken over my entire being. Most people, when asked this question would say, 'of course God loves me' and quietly start to hum "Jesus loves me this I know..." but notice that isn't the question. It's not a matter of whether God loves us, it's if we are letting him love us.
From August through November, I studied in Australia. While there I had to fight some major demons, some of which I lost to. I went through a stint, a rather long stint, where I just couldn't pray. When I would tell people about this distance that I felt from God and how I couldn't pray, the general response was 'of course you can pray. You just aren't trying hard enough. You just aren't concentrating." But that wasn't it. I literally could not talk to God. I was incapable. And it led me to feel very unworthy.
Then I came back from Australia in December and things seemed to get better, for about two weeks, but then I started having these horrible nightmares several times a night. Sometimes I would even wake up having panic attacks. During this time I couldn't sleep or eat. I didn't want to be around people in public places. I didn't return people's emails or phone calls. I couldn't function without naps. And I couldn't read, write, or think critically or even logically. In short, I was a mess. This strained a lot of my relationships and people just didn't understand. I was exhausted and broken.
Just so you don't think this story is only depressing, a week before Easter everything finally lined up and I was back to my old cheery self, but that is a story for another time.
So how does all of this relate to the above question and what does this have to do with the Church? When I first dwelt on the question "are you letting God love you?" I realized that I wasn't. Really all of the times I was pleading with God for healing, I was asking for it on my terms. A miracle, I wanted a miracle. But that wasn't what God's definition of healing entailed. I like to think about this in terms of human love. We all have a way we express and receive love best, but not everyone communicates love the same way. Sometimes we totally miss the love someone is extending to us because we are narrowly defining what love should look like by our own terms. When I couldn't pray, it wasn't because God was punishing me, it was because he wanted me to be silent enough to hear him whisper that he loves me. And he didn't just relieve the depression I was feeling quickly, because he wanted to bring complete healing to every part of me. He wanted me to seek his total presence, instead of just his hand. And now that I've spent that time, basking in his love, I know that he delights in me. I don't need to ask God to be the center of my life because when you spend time in his presence, and let him love you on his terms, he automatically becomes the center. You just want to dwell with him.
And you want to ask everyone the above question. Are you letting God love you? I've found that most people answer no, when pressed for an honest answer. But it's truly amazing to watch them transform as they open their eyes to God's love. It leads to God centered people fueled by love. It leads to everyone wanting to share this love that they are feeling. And I have to ask as I see the excitement that isn't dying down, but rather that increases day by day as they are just caught up in God's presence, where was this message my entire time in the Church? Where was the message that yes, Jesus loves me, but I have to let him love me? That my relationship with God can't just be on my terms and with my requests? Because I can tell you that in 21 years I have never heard that message. I guess that's what I want this plant to be about with Soul Cafe. I want us to be the church that asks the tough question, are you letting God love you? Because its more than past time for that truth to be accessed and dwelt upon. It's by that truth alone that we can really be changed.
